Forgiveness can be a small step over a tiny obstacle, or it can be a mountain that seems too tall and too steep to ever rise above. Forgiveness can be one of the most liberating and relieving aspects of life, or it can be a source of the most dark, painful, and sinister feelings that mankind is capable of generating. Much of what determines whether a person is approachable or detached from others is exhibited in feelings of offense, resentment, grudges, or even hate and the person’s capacity for letting go of such powerful perceptions and feelings of being wronged.

Different Capacities for Forgiveness
The dynamics that are formed in the mind of an individual about right and wrong, good and bad, as well as love and hate are nearly limitless. There are no two people with identical values or levels of acceptance or intolerance. Everyone has a unique capacity for each of these, and depending largely on life experiences, everyone similarly has a different capacity for forgiveness.

Offense is Inevitable; Resentment is not
It is impossible to identify all of the limitless ways in which people can be offended, or to number the reasons that people allow themselves to harbor resentment. There are some people who take offense more easily than others and some who find it easier to forgive. There are no simple solutions to the challenges of forgiving, but it is certain that harboring feelings of resentment for any duration can have detrimental effects on the body, the mind, and interpersonal relationships with others.
                       
Consequences of Resentment
According to WebMD studies have shown that in absence of forgiveness, resentment “leads to agitation and hostility that linger even after a person stops thinking about the incident.” There are indications that more energy is exerted in holding a grudge than letting go of hard feelings through forgiveness. There are several potential adverse consequences to the body and mind in relation to holding grudges against others that may be experienced over time. While the following list is not exhaustive, it illustrates some of the potential consequences of holding on to resentment:

Secondary Injury
Animosity and resentment for others harms us as much, or possibly even more than those who offend us. The stress and negativity that lingers beyond the event that triggers ill feelings is a secondary injury that we inflict on ourselves. It is easy to blame others for our enduring discomfort, but ultimately the ability and decision to forgive is ours alone. As long as we continue to cling to resentment, consider possibilities of revenge, or dwell on the offense that was inflicted upon us, we continue to subject ourselves to stress and discomfort that lead to greater complications.

How To Forgive
While some offenses we are subjected to in life are easier than others to forgive we must bear in mind that no matter what we have been through, it is to our benefit to let go of resentment. It is always easiest to forgive someone who is actually sorry. In reality, however, there are some people in life who will never be sorry for what they have done to us, and if we wait for an apology that may never come, we are the ones who will suffer unnecessarily. It is not necessary to accept or embrace wrongful acts that are done to us as being justified in order to forgive others. While we often expect revenge or justice to come upon those who have offended us, it is unrealistic to believe that this will occur, or that we should wait for it to occur before we allow ourselves to forgive others.

Inexcusable Acts
It is not always easy to forgive. There are times when people do things that are inexcusable. There are acts of betrayal, and deplorable, malicious actions that are intended to harm us in ways that are almost beyond human comprehension. These are the variety of offenses that cut us to the heart, and threaten to destroy the very essence of who we are and what we believe. These are frequently also the kinds of offenses that are so ruthless as not to be found of apology, remorse, or sorrow. They are the deepest and most damaging insults to our lives that often go unchallenged – devoid of revenge or justice that we unavoidably long for either consciously or subconsciously. In the absence of justice, or even when justice is somehow satisfied for such wrongs, it can be very difficult to let go of resentment and possibly even hatred for what has been done to us.

A Conscious Decision
At some point a conscious decision must be made in regard to these lingering sources of smoldering discontent. We can allow anger to burn within us forever, or we can extinguish it with forgiveness. Unless we are resigned to accept the physical and emotional turmoil that accompanies resentment, we must find a way to let go of our grudges. It is not necessary to forget what occurred, or to pretend that it did not happen. It is further not necessary to believe that the same offense would not be made again given the opportunity, but moving on from the experience and letting go of the weight of it is what we must do in order to find peace.

Finding Our Own Way
There is no universal way to forgive. Everyone must find their own way to escape the bonds of the circumstances behind their resentment. Forgiveness may not come right away. It may take days or years to forgive others for what they have done to us, but we cannot afford to allow our anger to go on forever unchecked. Eventually we must make the decision to let go, and once we do, actually allow ourselves to cast off our painful feelings. We must make this decision or live with the physical and emotional consequences of harboring hatred and resentment.

Sources:

Holding A Grudge Can Be Bad for Your Health, Accessed 9-24-2010
http://www.webmd.com/depression/news/20000225/
holding-a-grudge-can-be-bad-for-your-health

Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness, Accessed 9-24-2010
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131

What are the physical effects of stress? Accessed 9-25-2010
http://health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/stress-management
/physical-effects-of-stress2.htm

Understanding Stress, Accessed 9-25-2010
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_signs.htm